Welcome and thank you for reading my fifth article on this blog. A promised I will share my observation about facts that can be toxic or healthy for a relationship and also guide a reader with what I have learned during the days. I have made recent observations, had some conversations with some people I know and some who don't even know me but felt the need to share their journey with me. As they said, they just feel comfortable sharing so as they usually learn something from my answers.
I'll address this article more to my fellow gentlemen, or let's just say " Men". Relationship it self is a whole cycle, it can be a permanent one, or can be broken when the relationship becomes sustainable. Many of us come out of a bumpy relationship broken, some manage to heal from it, but some kept living with the illusion that there could be repetition. I met a guy who clearly stated that he is out there not to stay but to just say hi and leave for a next chapter. lol a way for me to say it respectfully, but tell me what's the point of keeping switching relationships ? is it Revenge ? is it Satisfaction seeking ? what ? … I will explain that as a bleeding wound that can never heal. Lots of chemical factors are part of the healing process of a wound but the most important is the mental participation, Remember that the brain controls everything, means if you don't need to heal, you certainly won't.
I read somewhere that a relationship is an addition of minds which supposedly lead to success and positive achievement, nowadays it is impossible to describe it that way because people became so selfish, petty, and careless about their surrounding or partner. Work-Home-Bed-Bills... a cycle or let say a routine that causes a complete ignorance about the social interaction that is fundamental for both parties, no affection, no attention at the end leads to no attraction, arguments and BOOM ! … Separation. Of course " Bills don't pay themselves" but a minimum of time even a 5minutes windows is enough to communicate. Some party in a couple will say they work hard because in their past relationship they didn't work enough because they wanted to give time to the one who did hurt them... Is that a good reason ? What kind of answer is that ? You mean you failed and that's the end of civilisation ? Well people let me tell you this... There are changes that you make in your life that will push any pure heart that are coming toward you; scars from the past that you decided to keep in your mind that will become toxic and will take over the control to push you to failure, or will cause you stay with yourself and yourself only. We all know that ourselves is the best friend ever that we have, but love is to be shared not to be kept inside.
This young guy who decided to roll from a relationship to another, is way far from being a renewed man; he is still broken. Anything that has to be in relation with your past negative experience have to be used as reference to avoid failure, or a reference that will help you doing things differently in an efficient manner. Your restauration depends on nobody else that " YOU", remember that God closes doors to open a thousand others, cease the moment to pray instead, to do something positive, to think justly and rationally, Someone else doesn't have to pay for your past hurt !
The best thing to do first is to heal yourself or ask for help to an elder, an advisor to avoid going back to that same episode of the vicious cycle you are imprisoned in, Avoid showing any type of behavior sign that could push your partner away (meaning... He/she will doubt on your answers, or he will be anxious about what reaction you could have to a statement he makes to you, or even to a compliment … . Differences are positives in relationships for those who understand and are heartily willing to tolerate and find compromise in any kind of challenging situation and is very sensitive aspect to handle with te most " Self focus " possible in order to avoid a uniformization of characters which will end up converting you as the same as your partner. in a few words : Do your best to stay who you are even if others like it or not, this is your life and yours only before everything.
Well this is the conversation I had with a group of guys in a barbecue, and they left thinking about my theories as everyday if you take a time to observe, you will see that people don't really allow themselves a time to think before what they say or do. The hurt is bad, but let us take the good from it, Just learn and do good to your future partner.
Thank you for reading !
Comments