My last experience post about finding your self when lost in a chaotic relationships was my way to think according to my experiences, it worked out for me, it certainly will for you. However there are many other parameters in a relationship that could make you move forward to stay on the level of perfection you need to move forward and accomplish many positive things with your partner.
We won't deny that the toxic part exists also in healthy relationships, but let's not being negative lol, it is manageable, and guess what.. 3 words " be your self ". Being yourself and forget about any alterations that could come to you. Always seize this 2 seconds window to think before you judge or state a conclusion. Sometimes toxicity in a relation can turn out to be positive as it defines at the end the resilience of both parties in dealing with the behavioral challenges which are normal facts in dealing with people or in a household.
Communication is the Key !
Something I have always learned since I was a child; I still remember the reverend of the school I use to Go who told me that, because I was hesitating in reading the Sunday scripture, the reason ? I was stressed and afraid of the public, then he gave me this advice " Tell us when you don't feel comfortable and we'll ask God to reward you after every scripture you read" - Well I was a kid and I believed because It happened that I was always the first of my class with a bunch of stars on my report card :-). Back to the subject, yes Communication is the key to any kind of conflict involving interaction and divergence of understanding. Remember that God has created us equal, but we are not the same, our way to think, our perception of reality, our way to express our feelings and to overcome certain situation are way different... There is a constant need to maintain the " Balance ", the point where everything differs between us. Sharing the content of our mind is usually the best way to keep that balance, the objective is to find solutions, answers, assurance, understanding or even to find the weak points to correct. Communication is that Line that we have to keep unbreakable even hard it is sometimes but it is fundamental.
Sky will always be blue but cloudy .-
Yep ! ... As mentioned the skies will always stay blue, but remember, there are any perfect relationships, they might be 99.99% on the line of perfection where both parties are dedicated to keep the constant for a good relationship management, BUT !!! we don't know what they went through, what lessons were learned from mistakes or lack of maturity, or too much trust, from a hurt or anything, a way to tell you that every single relationship that we were in that didn't work will learn us something; What do we do usually with what we learned ? Most people nowadays are waiting for the time you would fail, and then to come to you with their own opinions ... They went through ups and down but wont share what they have learned which is wrong. Normally we should be having the willingness to tell about us, about what we have learned to the ones who are more vulnerable or younger than us in terms of relationship. Never expect your partner to be 100% the way you would want her/him to be; remember we all come from different reality, sometimes even by coincidence from the same, we are different, I'd day it's genetic, that's why the mind control ability, the focus and the self-love is important because some situation can draw you down at the lowest level of self-esteem. " She/he is totally different now, before it wasn't like that...; or she doesn't care about how I feel or she is always busy... Hey come one , before the relationship each party had their own life, their own routine; different routines but still, that's why in general it is not healthy to expect someone to be the way you would like, remember God will always test you in many ways, a single detail, a difficult point in a relationship is most of the time some tests.
Stay focused .-
Dealing with others requires focus, not on what they say, or how they act etc. I'm referring to self-focus; yes on yourself, believe me it doesn't mean that you are selfish, you are just protecting the other party. If you don't love your self how do you think it's possible for you to love someone ? do you know that ? nope, not possible. Love is not as simple as you think it is, it is all a process starting from the deepest corner of your soul, your mind, your heart which all will tell your brain to act in a certain way. This coordination is not automatic, but requires a time, a specific period of time that you only can determine.
See you on my next post !
AK.
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